HONK if you agree

It’s difficult to live in Toronto and actually enjoy driving, I know I don’t. This is coming from a 22 year old who just got her G. Anyways I don’t understand some drivers, how some people get their license baffles me. (I’m sorry Mom, love your French toast but hate your driving). I think there are three types of drivers.
A- the careful driver:  These people never go over the speed limit, check their blind spots every 2 seconds and like my mother never switch lanes, behind a bus, slow moving car doesn’t matter, lanes are never switched. Example: If were at Leslie and Finch and my mom is making a right at Yonge- she stays in the right lane. Hands also stay on the wheel, both of them- 10 and 2.
B- the crazy driver: Dad, I love that your a Senators fan but I fear for my life driving with you. I just realized I’d rather walk then be in a car with my mother or father. The crazy driver switches lanes every 2 seconds and always thinks someone is trying to race them. And if someone cuts them off? Oh dear God it’s on. Like my father these are the kind of drivers who switch lanes during an intersection (which is illegal I believe)
C- the C driver: (I couldn’t think of a clever name)- This is me. Sometimes I like to drive the speed limit or slower and sometimes I think all roads are highways. When someone is too close to my car, I purposely go slow but heaven forbid the person in front of me drives slowly.

While were on the subject of driving, let’s talk etiquette. If I let you in my lane, give me the thank you wave. It’s rude when you don’t. I always do, always. Sometimes I will even roll down my window and wave.

P.S. I parallel parked yesterday, it was a shining moment for me because I’m a reverse parker not a parallel parker. But I swear people were taking pictures and notes…a crowd even formed to applaud my parking skills.

 

y=mx+b

Do you ever wonder why when people see a baby or a dog their voices automatically change? I’m guilty because when I get home and see my dogs, my voice suddenly shifts from normal to high pitched 4 year olds. I’ve always wondered what the dog/baby is thinking. Then we wonder why babies cry? It’s because we’re talking like how I imagine aliens communicate.

There are other things that I don’t get, and they baffle me. For example the other day I was waiting for the elevator and noticed the floor numbers were also was written in brail. Ok I know people who are visually impaired have a keen sense of smell and touch but how on earth do they know that the floor is written in brail? Get what I’m saying? How come I never see the newspapers being delivered to the box things and what if there is breaking news during the wee hours of the morning? How come I’ve never seen the gas price change? When do they do it?

Ok I’m babbling.

I’M NOT MAD AT YOU!

I’ve come to learn that it’s not possible to have serious conversations via technology such as bbm, text or online chat. Why? Because your answers or questions are always misinterpreted. For exmaple the use of capitals are always an indication of anger. If someone asks you if you’re goignt o go out Saturday night and you answer NO. I’M BUSY! SORRY! See?
 One word answers are never a good thing either. Some people are just used to answering with one word but it bothers me. It’s not so bad on MSN but one word answers in texts infuriate me. If I ask you to meet me at 5:30 don’t text me back K. You just wasted 50 cents (or however much it costs to send a text message).
Punctuation is also key! For example if you’re apologzing, an exclamation mark makes it sound sarcastic. Maybe it’s just me though…The several periods also are a sign of sadness… (I’m not sad)

I can’t stop listening to Miley Cyrus’ new song Climb- don’t judge.

 

Never Eat Shredded Wheat

I wish I could say I know my way around the city but if it wasn’t for google maps- I’d be lost. I don’t know North, South, East or West. All I know is right and left, which frustrates people when they give me directions. So today as I’m driving home I noticed something that really bothers me- street names that change. Dixon turns into Scarlett, McNicoll turns into Cummer and Lawrence turns into all sorts of streets. Why? I’m not very good with directions (but I’ve gotten a lot better) and this doesn’t help. Just keep the street names consistent, please! Another thing about streets that bother me are when streets stop and start again. Someone told me to meet them at Leslie and highway 7. Leslie from what I know goes from Eglinton to Steeles, why does it start up again?

That’s it. I wish my job was to name all the different streets, my first order of business would be to change my street name. Hi my name is Paria Pishva and I live on Lesgay Cresent. It’s so hard ordering pizza.

I will marry you…if you return that ring.

I was watching Two and a Half Men last night and one of the characters just got his girlfriend an engagement ring and I’m quoting Charlie Sheen:  Instead of spending the usual three months salary on her ring, I spent six. WHAT?!?! After spending a couple minutes googling, I realized this is apparently normal. NORMAL?!?! Normal means conforming to the standard or the common type. Normal is having a name like Bob or Suzie. Normal is getting a haircut once in a while. I would even consider guys wearing pink normal nowadays but spending three months salary on a ring normal? NO!!

Let’s assume the average man makes $45 thousand after taxes. That’s $3750/month. That’s $11, 250 in three months. $11, 250 on a ring? REALY?!?! Think about all the things you can buy or invest in with $11, 250! A car, a down payment, RSPs! And that’s on a $45k salary, what if a guy makes six figures? This is why I just don’t understand women and probably never will. If I ever got married and my guy spent that much on a ring, I would be pissed! I probably won’t wear my engagement ring forever anyways (I’d wear my wedding band). No wonder guys are afraid of marriage, it’s expensive not to mention the huge wedding the girl probably wants to have to impress people she hasn’t seen in forever.

By the way if a guy makes $100 thousand/year, that’s a $25, 000 ring.

Do I look fat in this?

I’ve been a girl for 22 years and yet I don’t understand them. There are theories out there that suggest Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus which is why men will never understand women- heck I don’t even understand women! So here is my theory:

Men are from earth, women are from mars. Why do women like to hear honey, you’re right when most fights are a result of a woman’s jealousy. Maybe it’s just me but if you really sit back and think about the last fight/argument you had with your significant other, the odds are against the female. Most likely it was over something stupid like why he was being polite to the cute hostess or why he wants to watch sports. First of all, if he was rude to the hostess you would be pissed  off and second of all he’s a guy, he should watch sports.

Another thing that really gets under my skin is why girls don’t speak up. If you’re angry and he asks you what’s wrong don’t say nothing in a whimpering voice. Don’t expect him to know what’s bothering you, you should be happy that he senses something is wrong in the first place. And when you finally work things out and he asks babe, are you okay don’t you dare respond with fine. Because A. nothing is fine and B. you get mad because he thinks you have resolved the issue at hand. This isn’t a game of Guess Who (God, I love that game)

Every girl is looking for the perfect relationship and when they finally get it, they start knit picking at things to argue about. Why? it’s become routine. When you find the perfect relationship hold on to it like your underpants because they are not  easy to come by. When a relationship is rocky and needs work, girls start complaining that they just want to find the one. Speaking of the one- marriage. Just don’t bring it upm of course you’re going to scare the guy away. Marriage: the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife until death due them part. DEATH= scary. So when people, mostly men say women are crazy I can’t agree more.

p.s. that dress DOES make you look fat. You asked. If he said no you would accuse him of lying.

You don’t know what to you got ’til it’s gone- YA RIGHT!

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today- literally, I was stuck between my bed and the wall. People have pet peeves some of them I get and some I will never understand. There are a lot of things I hate including steamed celery, planes and when you open your yogurt container and it spits on you. Then there are things that I loathe, things that happen on a daily basis that I can definitely do without.

1. Electrical outlets- Everytime I try to plug something into a power bar located behind my desk, I hit my head and I can never get the plug into the damn outlet on the first try or second or even the third.
2. Television remotes- Not because I lose mine (I bought one of those giant ones) but because I will be taking my nap and it falls off my bed making the loudest noise. My nap? Interrupted.
3. People on the subway- Aside from people who choose to sit beside me even though there are a million seats, people who choose to stand rather than sit piss me off. How do they balance? I’ve even seen people read newspapers, drink coffee and eat while standing and they don’t even hold the poles. I hate these people mostly because I’m jealous that I can’t balance. Oh and don’t ever tell me to turn down my iPod. Fuck you, move! Chances are I was there first.
4. Words that aren’t pronounced the way they’re spelt- Chaos, lingerie and champagne. How are immigrant supposed to learn how to read? The one I hate most is COLONEL.
5. People who smell- Just shower, jesus.
6. Pillows- I don’t use them, never have and never will. I have three on my bed yet I refuse to get rid of them only because a bed looks funny without  pillows.
7. Telemarketers-I don’t think I need to explain but they call my cell phone now. Sometimes the person sounds so nice so I just hang up. Pretending you’re listening while they recite their rehearsed script is just mean.
8. I don’t know what to classify this under but people who complain about the weather. It’s Canada.

I’m going to bed now.

this website is f’ing amazing

I’m sitting at my computer realizing how boring the internet is until someone sent me a link to the website www.fmylife.com. I click on it and 30 minutes later I’m still reading.

My favourite so far is: Today, I was driving and stopped behind a person at a stop sign. Their car didn’t move for about 1 minute. I got out of my car yelling at the person. It was an old woman. She wasn’t breathing. FML. I feel like this could happen to me.

Ok on a completely different topic. You know those scenes from scary movies where the monster is coming and either the car won’t start or you can’t seem to get the keys in the door to work? And as soon as the monster is inches away tada, the car starts and the door opens. That happens to me – every single day/night. I ride the subway, my commute is roughly 50 minutes long. On the train, nothing happens. On the bus? Still nothing. Then I begin to walk home and it starts. I get shivers, start squirming and my keys? Nowhere to be found. As soon as it’s about to finally make an appearance the door fling opens and I run. I run fast, to the bathroom and whip off my belt and ahhh relief. The monster is my bladder. Never fails me, I should start  expecting having to pee as soon as I step off the bus. And its like my bladder knows, this also happens in department stores. I do the inevitable crouch down and pretend I’m looking at greeting cards!

To whom it may concern

I just had an urge to start a blog, no rhyme or reason just boredom. I don’t promise anything extraordinary or slapping the knee kind of funny but I’ll try.

Oh and my name is pronounced pear-ee-a.